Forever

I sat alone, curtains drawn and in the dark.

Forever alone, I thought — I told myself over and over — but eventually, the light from your texts on my phone were all that I needed.
Those empty words and promises, your sweet, comforting lies — I never knew how much I needed to hear them until they came from you.

"Complicated," you said.
Your thoughts were complicated, but all you knew was that you'd be in my life forever.

Forever is a funny word when you think about it — how long is forever, really? How long is your forever?
Those kind words stung more than you thought they could because they reminded me how lonely I felt without you — and how eventually it would all end.
Your nice words would stop, and I'd crave them more than I ever thought possible.

"Forever," you said.
Did forever mean making me forever desire those words? Forever rely on your existence?

I was right. It did end — it descended into chaos.
And again, I was forever alone — and you were forever haunting my once-happy life.

Eventually, your name didn't make me smile anymore.
The texts on my screen meant nothing, and I meant nothing to you.
I no longer craved those kind words of yours; I was more than a pretty little doll to toy with, more than just another girl who wanted you.

I hope you'll come to realise everything you gave up, ignored, forgotten, and hurt.
I hope the thought of me — and everything you did — haunts you forever, for as long as you forever broke me.

For anyone who’s felt broken by someone’s ‘forever’ — you’re not alone.
We can heal. And we do. If you're struggling, please reach out. I promise — you're never truly alone.
(Lifeline 13 11 14 / Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636)